My daughter is five, and she’s just getting to where winning isn’t everything when we play games (yay!). Up until now, it was quite important to her, and she would pout if she did not win—which was about half the time, since I don’t cheat or let her cheat. I think the ethics with which we play our games is a big reason why she’s such a good sport now; she even suggest playing collaboratively more often than not.

But to fairly do this, you do have to realize that adults still have the upper hand, and I think it’s okay to make a few allowances for this—just as you might use a handicap in bowling. Here are a few things I like to do to even the playing field a bit with my daughter.

Play games that are age-appropriate. When my daughter used to suggest we play games that require advanced strategy or critical thinking beyond her age level, I used to think sure, why not? It won’t hurt to just see if she enjoys it. She surely did not enjoy it! Sticking to games that she can easily grasp is key to making the play fair.

Amend the rules a little. Don’t eliminate them, of course, but if you can adjust them to an age-appropriate level, go for it. For example, we were playing operation earlier today, and instead of using the full settings of the game, I kept it on easy, so it wouldn’t buzz too much as she tried to remove the parts. (For the record, this game is considered appropriate for ages six and up, not five and up, but she’s played it many times at her friend’s house and we’ve established that she can grasp the concept—and the tweezers!—well.) We also allow one buzz rather than passing it off to the next player once it’s buzzed. If this goes for everyone, it’s still fair, and it gives her a chance to really get a feel of the tweezers. Finally, something we added today was a collaborative approach where we tried to “operate” as a team, which we both enjoyed.

Play games that require chance. Anything with a dice, cards you draw, etc. is great for playing with kids because it doesn’t require skills, but chance. One of our favorite games to play is BINGO since we both win about 50% of the time. Snap is another great chance game to play with younger children.